Wank Rag Swag #1: Genesis October 1982

Hey guys and girls I thought I would try something a little bit different that some of you may enjoy. Vintage wank wags from back in day are amazing things. Not only do they take us to a time when real women where photographed in all their natural beauty but they are also a damn fine fun read. Now I could have gone down the obvious route and just posted scans of the lovely ladies within the magazines but I wanted to do something a bit different and cover something that genuinely does fascinate me and it’s not exclusive to this type of magazine. I wanted to showcase the adverts that you could find in the magazines. So here is the first post for you all from the October 1982 edition of Genesis. I have to thank beforehand a certain Robin Bougie as this (and the only other vintage mag I own so far) was bought from his online shop here. Go check it out! Anyways folks let’s celebrate the good life!

Monte Alban Competition

 You know you are in a treat when one of the first things you see in your latest edition of your favourite is a promotion to win free steak… FOR A YEAR! I can’t stand the “taste” of tequila… Every time I have drank it I have felt like I’ve just melted down a battery and distilled with paint remover. That being said, I would happily drink this shit for the rest of my life if I could win free steak. Even if you didn’t manage to win the first prize (I’d like to meet the person who did) you had a chance of winning barbecue grills or 1 of 100 Monte Alban cooking aprons. With prizes like that, I’m surprised the entry form hasn’t been cut out. Oh well, vegetarians dig meat of the pink and fluffy variety sometimes too I guess.

 GIGANTA Photo Advert

We all have those special moments caught on film or that image we come across that we fall in love with. Enlarging a photo is perfect to spice up your “bedroom, den or office” or it can be a “memorable eye-catching, impressive gift”. Well, my friend has a den… This seems like a perfect, impressive gift! If those words didn’t sell you… you can get it laminated if it’s a very “special” photo you want to… “savour” if you get what I mean.

Xandera Collection Catalogue Ad

Before the internet all the girls and boys had to order their toys through magazines and catalogues. Sure, you could visit your local adult store but society will always have a stigma when a person walking out of a sex shop is sighted. Anyway, check out this simple, no thrills advert for the Xandria Collection catalogue. From what I can gather, Xandria was founded by Gaye Redmond, the wife of Victoria’s Secret founder, Roy Raymond in San Fransisco in 1974. It was initially set up to let those with physical disabilities to be able to play too which is not only cool but has it’s own medical benefits. Would love to somehow get hold of a catalogue. The fact you get a double guarantee and the money you payed for the catalogue taken off your first order… Maybe i need to rebuild a time machine?

How To get Women Guides

Thanks to this advert I now have two new items to add to my “Most Wanted Obscure But Probably Lost” wanted list. Apparently with Eric Weber’s “How To Meet New Women” cassette all you have to do is “… just sit back, flip on your cassette, and suddenly you begin to feel braver, better looking, filled with confidence, and ready to approach every beautiful woman you see!” Plus you get to hear it in Eric Weber’s very own voice! That’s surely $12.95 you will not regret spending folks! Combine this with the devastatingly effective 5 volume Encyclopedia Of Winning With Women and man, you’re going to be like me and having to beat off women with a stick everywhere you go. *One of the claims in this little paragraph may or may not be true.*

Best Of Genesis Letters Ad

I’m sure we have all been gathered round with friends having a few drinks and sharing some of our sexual exploits. Well, did you know that there are collections of these stories collected in magazines like the one shown in this ad? You never know, maybe your better half or past lovers have shared your story? I can definitely see the appeal in this concept but I can’t help but giggly like a child hearing the word penis for the first time when I read these stories. It’s like amateur porn before the invention of the webcam! As an added bonus you got a feature with the gorgeous Marylin Chambers where she answered questions from Genesis readers…. Hopefully this pops up on ebay sometime!

American Eagle Collector’s Buckle

This one goes out to all you patriots who might be reading this. Nothings screams America than a giant, shiny eagle belt buckle. Next time a girl asks what’s that in your pants you can now take off that heavy hunk of silver and watch as she caresses and moistens. Yeah, I think my imagination is running wild with this a little bit but I have to say this would have been a pretty damn awesome gift to receive…. If you where an oil barren or something like that!

Kool Ultra Cigarettes Ad

The final ad of interest for me is this gem that graced the back cover of Genesis magazine. If this doesn’t scream out real manhood… it’s probably because the deafening screech of your eagle belt buckle is drowning everything out. I have no idea who this guy is or the band he is part of but it doesn’t matter because that hair, aviator glasses and beard combination is making me want to smoke a nice, smooth Kool Ultra to cool myself down so I think that essentially means the advert worked right? Thanks bearded drummer guy! Love it!

There you have it ladies and gentlemen. I hope you enjoyed this nice little look at just a tiny example of what vintage porn mag adverts has to offer. Hopefully the scans are big enough so you can get lost in the fantastic text. There where quite a few more adverts in the magazine but these where the ones that really got my attention and raised a smile. Hopefully in the future I will get my hands on more mags so I can share more adverts with you all.

PDx